Am I Making the Right Decision?
The Emotional Weight Parents Carry After a Scoliosis Diagnosis. How to cope with uncertainty, regulate your emotions, and support your child with confidence.
If you’re a parent of a child with scoliosis, there’s a good chance you’ve asked yourself this question at least once.
And by “once,” I mean approximately 47 times a day.
Usually late at night.
Usually while staring at your phone.
Usually after promising yourself you were done Googling.
If that sounds familiar, let’s start here:
Nothing is wrong with you.
The guilt, worry, and mental spiral are not signs that you’re doing anything wrong. They’re signs that you love your child very much.
Why Parents Feel So Much Guilt After a Scoliosis Diagnosis
A scoliosis diagnosis doesn’t just come with X-rays and appointments.
It comes with decisions. Big ones. The kind no parent ever feels fully prepared for.
Suddenly, you’re expected to:
Understand medical language you never signed up to learn
Decide between options that all feel heavy
Think years into the future (which is a lot to ask at 2 a.m.)
Stay calm for your child while quietly panicking inside
Many parents carry guilt for things like:
“What if I missed this earlier?”
“What if I choose the wrong treatment?”
“What if my decision makes things worse?”
Here’s the part that often gets missed:
There is no single ‘right’ path in scoliosis care.
There are informed decisions made in real life, by real parents, under real pressure.
You Are Making the Best Decision You Can (Even When It Doesn’t Feel Like It)
Let’s clear something up.
You are not making decisions casually.
You are not ignoring advice.
You are not “just hoping for the best.”
You are:
Researching
Asking questions
Advocating
Balancing physical health and mental wellbeing
Doing your best with information that is often confusing and conflicting
Hindsight is very convincing, but it’s also unfair.
You don’t get to use future knowledge to judge past decisions.
Right now, you are making the best decision you can with the information you have. And that matters.
Why Your Emotional Regulation Matters (Yes, Yours)
Parents are often told to “stay calm for your child,” which sounds great in theory… and feels impossible in practice.
Here’s the gentler truth:
You don’t need to be calm all the time.
You just need moments of grounding so your nervous system doesn’t stay in overdrive.
When parents are emotionally overwhelmed, it becomes harder to:
Think clearly
Communicate with doctors
Reassure a worried child
Make decisions without panic taking over
Taking care of your emotions isn’t indulgent.
It’s supportive. For you and your child.
Practical Ways to Regulate Your Emotions (No Meditation Retreat Required)
1. Name the Emotion (No Fixing Required)
Try this simple sentence:
“I’m feeling anxious right now.”
That’s it. No pep talk. No solution yet.
Naming emotions helps your nervous system settle and prevents feelings from snowballing into full-blown panic.
2. Calm the Body Before Calming the Mind
Before researching, emailing, or replaying every appointment in your head, pause your body first.
Try:
Inhale through your nose
Exhale a little longer than you inhaled
Drop your shoulders
Unclench your jaw (seriously, check it)
Your brain works better when your body isn’t on high alert.
3. Separate Fear From Facts
Fear is very convincing and very dramatic.
Fear asks:
“What if this gets worse forever?”
Facts ask:
“What do I actually know right now?”
Both can exist, but only one should drive decisions.
4. Share the Weight (You Don’t Get Bonus Points for Doing This Alone)
You don’t have to carry every decision, worry, and “what if” by yourself.
That might mean:
Talking to another parent who gets it
Involving your child in age-appropriate conversations
Saying out loud, “This is hard”
Connection helps regulate emotions faster than isolation ever will.
5. Talk to Yourself the Way You Talk to Your Child
If your child said, “I’m scared and I don’t know what to do,” you wouldn’t respond with criticism.
Try offering yourself the same compassion:
“I’m allowed to find this hard.”
“I don’t need all the answers today.”
“I’m doing the best I can.”
Because you are doing the best you can.
Parents Deserve Support Too
Scoliosis support often focuses on the body, the curve, and the treatment plan.
But parents are quietly holding the emotional side together.
And that’s a lot.
You weren’t meant to navigate this alone.
You weren’t meant to carry guilt in silence.
And you don’t have to have everything figured out.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone 🤍
If this blog resonated with you, I’d love to invite you into a space created specifically for parents like you.
Navigating Scoliosis Together: A Support Group for Parents
🗓 Starts February 17
This group offers:
Emotional support for parents navigating uncertainty
Practical tools to manage guilt, worry, and overwhelm
A space to talk openly with others who truly understand
Guidance that addresses both the emotional sides of scoliosis
You don’t need to be strong all the time.
You just need support.
👉 Sign up here to join the group
You’re doing an incredible job.
Even on the days it feels messy, heavy, or uncertain.
Thank you Parents for all you do!
The cover photo of this blog is actually my Mom and I at my Masters graduation in England!
don’t forget to follow me on instagram @stc.therapy